PSU Recap: Coastal Carolina

I'll admit, Coastal Carolina isn't exactly a powerhouse first opponent; in fact, their squad probably lies somewhere between an excellent high school team and a horrible program like Pitt. Nevertheless, it was the first time we got to see our 2008 Nittany Lions in a real game and everything was positive in the end, save one lousy touchdown that the defense gave up.

You can probably guess how the game went just by looking at the 66-10 score, but then I wouldn't have anything to do. So, with that in mind, here's a few things that I took from Saturday's victory:



1. Finally, we have a quarterback (2, for that matter) that can process the offense, make the appropriate reads, and make good decisions. Both Clark and Devlin were great--you can actually see them doing the right things, and the offense was much more fluid because of it. I know, it's only Coastal Carolina, but it's nice to see. Finally!

2. Our O line was/is great.

3. Evan Royster and Stephfon Green = Titties

4. In order to be a bartender at the sports bar "Game On" in Atlantic City, you must: be a smoking-hot chick, wear next-to-nothing, have huge cans, show off said cans, and know nothing about football and how to operate any of the 25+ TVs on the premises.

5. We got a lot of players involved, which is good. Among those backups were 4 true freshmen, and the biggest standout among them was RB Brandon Beachum. Beachum was on kickoff coverage from the start and he ran the ball like a freight train, scoring PSU's final touchdown.

6. Aaron Maybin (#59) and Navarro Bowman (#18) were monsters on defense. very disruptive and aggressive.

7. Even though our wonderful offensive coordinators didn't reveal the real "Spread HD" offense, the ball was still spread around. 13 different players caught a ball on Saturday. One pleasant surprise was 6 foot 6 Brett Brackett, who lined up as a 4th WR and caused major matchup problems. He could be a nice target in the red zone.

8. JoePa's gut looked exponentially bigger than ever. What gives?

9. Our defense looked vulnerable in the middle of the field on a few occasions--probably because we blitzed up the middle early on. It may have been Tom Bradley just evaluating a few schemes/personnel, and I think we adjusted accordingly as the game progressed. However, that sort of thing can't happen when the competetion increases. Even a lower-tier Big Ten team like Northwestern will exploit those situations. Here's to hoping we got it out of our system against CC.

10. As of this time, we are the highest scoring offense in the country. Not to mention we racked up 600 yards of total offense (334 rushing).


In sum, it was an excellent first game. Next up is a fiesty Oregon State team. Stay tuned to THOAD for a complete preview.

Let's Go State!

And the Oscar Goes To...

PSU Preview: Coastal Carolina

Game 1


at

Saturday, Aug. 30 @ 12 noon (est)

Here we go!!! The 2008 season kickoffs this Saturday against the Coastal Carolina Chanticleers (are you f"ing kidding me with that mascot?). Here's the deal: although the Chanticleers return 17 starters, they are completely overmatched at every position and this should be a blowout of historical proportions. Coastal Carolina, which runs a no-huddle offense, lost its first string QB to ineligibility and will either start its second or third stringer. Interestingly, the 3rd string QB is William Richardson, kid brother of former Nittany Lion QB Wally Richardson. Nevertheless, if all goes well PSU's backups will be in for good by the third quarter and fans will be as happy as a Seth every time shepherd's barf was on the menu in the East Hall dining commons. Yet, strange things could always happen. PSU historically plays down to its competition and could come out very flat, and there's also the possibility that the team could be looking ahead to a tough game 2 matchup against an underrated Oregon State team. Yet none of those scenarios should prevent PSU from stomping Coastal Carolina. This team is eager to start 2008 and eager to pound on someone. So, here's to Penn State in 2008...it could be a special season starting in 3 short days.

Knits Pick...

Coastal Carolina: 4
(awarded 4 sympathy points after the Chanticleer mascot gets choked out at midfield by the Nittany Lion)

PSU: 59

A few game notes...

1. Daryll Clark gets the nod at QB for PSU, but expect to see Pat Devlin at points during the game.

2. CB AJ Wallace probably won't start for PSU and may not even play. Wallace has a slight hamstring pull and the coaches want him to be 100% healthy for Oregon State game.

3. If you should be in need of medical attention, look for the lime green vest.

LET'S GO STATE!

ALERT!

THOAD has been divided like never before due to political reasons. Contributors have been informed to set past differences aside and keep content "light" and "airy".

WOW

Ted

The below was a reminder that all newspapers and networks distort facts and that you need to make your own decisions and not be influenced by talking heads.

Embarrassment

To say that some of the contributors of THOAD are embarrassed by the post below would be an understatement. Although Teddy had thought this blog would refrain from such banter and remain united in the spirit of bipartisanship and in our attacks on THOD, I cannot stand by and watch bigots control the content. Let it be said that this comparison of Obama to Bin Laden is insulting to anyone who contends to be any sort of intellectual. It goes to the level of thought put in from many on the right of the political spectrum. To claim that all republicans are bigots would be as ignorant as some of the banter that comes from some on that side of the isle. However, to post such trash should be a particular embarrassment to those who share Abe's political agenda and anyone who claims to know anything about politics. Abe does not!

When making your decision at the Ballot Box this fall, please remember...

South + Philly = Silly

Spending this past glorious Saturday at ye olde Citizen's Bank Park, I noticed a few commonalities amongst the dress of the male fans...






These same male patrons were overheard repeating these phrases such as:
"Yao, let's gao!"
"I'd f*ck her..."
"Gimme a cigg aisehole"
"Atta boy!"
"F*ck dat!!!"

Female fans accompanying above male fans were seen in outfits similar to the one shown below:


...only 200lbs. fatter...uttering such phrases as:
"Yao lemme get one-a-dem cheese cups"
"The 20 oz. one dumb-aise"
"She ate all da pizza, she's like one-a-dem white whales...yea"

Witnessed reports confirm that when these types of fans got together they engaged in lewd public displays such as drinking beer off of the female breast, public rim-jobs, and numerous attempts of f*ngerblasting...

Silly.

HUGE PRESIDENTIAL NEWS- Is this lefty Obama's pick??

Come to Pennn Sttaaaagiihhhhttt!!!!!

Ya Dude?...Na Dude.

Congratulations to Kerri Walsh and Misty May-Treanor on their utter dominance in the world of beach volleyball. Not only are they gold medalists and undefeated in their careers, they are the biggest case of ya dude-na dude I have ever seen - see for yourself:

Ya Dude?

Na Dude.

Ya Dude?

Na Dude.

Ya Dude?

Final Verdict - Na Dude.

PSU Countdown.

10 days until the season begins.

Let's Go State!


For a much better countdown to the season, check out this site:

http://www.blackshoediaries.com/

Much like this one, blackshoesdiaries is a terrific blogsite, however they dedicate themselves solely to PSU football. Their countdown started 15 days ago, and it's pretty unique. Instead of saying "Only 10 days until the season", they say "Only Bobby Engram until the season"--paying homage to the current or former PSU player that wears/wore the number of the day on which the countdown stands.

The pictures are great, and so are the one-liners underneath them. Great stuff.

Program Alert! PSU on BTN

Thursday night is PSU night on the Big Ten Network. Tune in to see the following:

7pm – Big Ten’s Greatest Games: 2001 Ohio State at Penn State (the game where Zack Mills turned into Superman in the 4th quarter)



9pm – Big Ten Tonight: Penn State Football Practice

10:30pm – Penn State 2007-08 Year in Review


12 a.m.- Big Ten Spotlight: Jay Paterno, an exercise in nepotism and incompetent coaching




Program note: Comcast's Big Ten Network is not in HD so take a few advil and/or qualudes to subdue the painful headache that will undoubtedly arise from watching fuzzy, blurry, non-crisp shows. Yet another reason why comcast downright sucks.

They also just cancelled the Jay Paterno special.

ODE to ABE

When, in the course of human events, one successful blog writer comments on the basketball abilities of another successful blogger, there must be a rebuttal.

Therefore, in honor of THOAD's Abe Froman and his late '90s basketball style, here is a picture of a saddle:

Anyone who has ever played with Abe knows that, aside from a thick Long Island accent, he routinely rides his opponent like horse.

Yee-f*ckin'-haw.

Utter Dominance

As we marvel at the dominance of the US Olympic men's Basketball team over the next week, let us not forget the dominance that THOAD's own, Knits Sniffington, showed on the East Halls courts from 1997-2000.

He never let you get close and always had that elbow out like our would-be 42nd President.

AP Poll Released

If the Preseason Coaches Poll means squat, then the Preseason AP Poll is squat wrapped in shit. The reason is because the once-revered AP Poll won't much matter once the BCS rankings are released in about 10 weeks, only the Coaches Poll goes toward the BCS standings.



Nevertheless, the AP was released this morning, and PSU checked in at #22 (again).



See for yourself, then honk one out.



http://sports.espn.go.com/ncf/rankingsindex

Best Ever.

The following are the undisputed best evers (in no order):

-The Beatles

-the 1986 National Championship

-Coney Island Texas Lunch (Scranton, PA)

-Penn State Football Uniforms

-the words "Penn State"

All of the above should make you want to cry.

PSU Starting Safeties...Both Italian?

This just in to THOAD:

Penn State could be starting two Italian-American safeties when they open the season on August 30th against Coastal Carolina. Redshirt freshman Drew Astorino has been seeing the bulk of first team repetitions at Strong Safety (Hero back) for the Nittany Lions and has joined fellow I-talian free safety Anthony Scirrotto in the defensive backfield.

Astorino is very smart and athletic and has seemingly moved ahead of incumbent Mark Rubin (thank god).

What does this mean? Well, aside from the fact that you should fire up the pasta, the red gravy, the sausage and peppers, the velvet tracksuits, and the pinky rings, it also means that PSU's defense, and particularly its defensive backfield, just got a lot better.

Eccelente!

Top 10 Old School Rap Songs of all time

1 - New Jack Hustler - Ice T

2 - Mind Playin' Tricks on me - Geto Boys

3 - Wicked - Ice Cube

4 - Boys in the Hood - Easy E

5 - Time 4 some Action - Redman

6 - 100 Miles and Runnin' - NWA

7 - Juicy - Big Poppa

8 - Passin me by - The Pharcyde

9 - Rebirth of Slick - Digable Planets

10 - Nuthin' but a G thang - Dre/Snoop

Truth.

Ode To the Dive Bar

If you can't read it, it says: "Hard Boiled Eggs, 25 cents." This fine establishment, "Burt's," is in Bristol Borough, Pa. On any Monday night in this fine Steelers bar (Sorry Rosepenis, but it really is), one may here the following:
Red Headed, Toothless, Long Bearded, Patron:Yoa, did ya here they shut down African American day at the wharf?
Young, Overweight,, Female, Bartender: Oooh No, the NCAA's gonna get involved.

A bit of time passes, Patron gets his own 40oz. from the refrigerator, and Patron inquires about Joey, the resident cook.
Patron: Does Joey still cook?
Bar Tender: Oh yeah, he still hard boils eggs.

Breaking News...

Local vandalism at Arbor Point in the D-Funk, read on:

"This morning, Management received a call from the the Postmaster in the Furlong Post Office. They reported that the mailboxes on various streets in Arbor Point were filled with turtles, frogs and squirrels. Some of these animals were dead. The Postmaster has asked the Association to remind residents that any person(s) found tampering with the mailboxes will be punished to the fullest extent of the law as tampering with the mail boxes is a Federal offense.If you need additional information, contact the Postmaster, Steve Nulty."



HUGE!

PGA Championship Pick

There are so many names that come to mind when thinking of all time bonehead shots that cost a golfer the major title. However, in this weeks PGA Championship, I would like to focus on three professionals steeped in the art of choke out. They also happen to be the top 3 odds on favorites for winning this week in the absence of Eldrick Woods. Phil, Vijay, and Sergio. I am so sick of these three overrated duffers being favorites in major events. Among them they have only 6 major wins in 167 major starts - and that's just between Tits Mick and the scvhetty Fijan. Yah Boy Serg has the big fat na dude and he still manages to be a favorite in every major. (In his defense he does drive a Ferrari and bang hot Spanish chiggz). Phil - get your over inflated head out of your ass; Vijay - pick a putter and stick with it dude; Serg - just fucking get it done buddy. My pick this year is about as solid as they come. His swing can most aptly be characterized as good and terrible. Not only could you screen a full feature film on his forehead, you could set your watch to his putting stroke. Gentleman, West Chester's own Jim Furyk.

TIME TO VISIT THE DIRTY DIRTY

Gentleman, it is officially time to start planning a huge group outing to Charlottesville, Virginia.
As I have just moved into a new house, there are many opportunities for a large group to make a weekend out of it.

There is golf in the neighborhood, ""And I say, eh Lama! Hey! How bout' a little somethin', you know. For the effort, you know. And he says 'Oh... ahh, there won't be any money. But, when you die, on your death bed, you will receive total consciousness.'... So I got that going for me, which is nice. Big hitter, the Lama. Long"











For those will an taste for the arts, we can go on wine tours, or even visit the home of your favorite founding father, Thomas Jefferson

























Or if Wine isn't your thing...we can always head over to the university to hang out with the kids. There are many o' watering hole which know us and let us dictate the music, take the place over, and occassionally guest bartend. Just recently, a drink was created in honor of the guys from Philly called the "Midsummer Hummer" which sold for $5 pitchers. We successfully sold 13 throughout the night.

And sticking with a prior theme, there is one guarantee when coming to Charlottesville...

"Hey, everybody's gonna get laid!"

Apparently...

Checked out the Bloc Party show @ the TLA tonight and these limeys brought the house down! After seeing them in this somewhat smaller venue and the reaction of the crowd continuously feeding the band, it makes sense why these guys sell out Wembley Stadium. Hot damn.

It's Always Sunny...

In Philadelphia...new season starts September 18th! If you haven't watched it, check out previous seasons on iTunes or Hulu.com